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Stephanie Coontz thinks couples are expecting too much of each other these days. She boldly states that it is from us trying to be too close, that we in turn, drive ourselves apart emotionally. Of course this isn’t the only contributing factor, but it is an aspect worth some consideration. She frankly admits that the modern social economic balance has been upset by a much faster paced lifestyle. This means less social activities and forces couples to depend on each other too much.

She says:

Between 1985 and 2004, Americans experienced a sharp decline in the number of neighbors and friends with whom they discussed meaningful matters. The number of people depending solely on a spouse for important conversations almost doubled.

When people lose the wider face-to-face ties that build social trust, they become more dependent on romantic relationships for intimacy, and more vulnerable to isolation if a relationship breaks down. Often, we even cause the breakdown by loading the relationship with too many expectations.

Stephanie Coontz is the Professor of History and Family Studies at The Evergreen State college, in Olympia, Washington. She is the author of Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage.

Do you suppose this is how we will rationalize, in history, the “throw away” society we have become?

Read the rest of her article, We expect too much from marriage and let me know what you feel about it.

Regards,
Steve MacLellan