overex.net

This is fun to do. Just read the “offense” and if you’ve done it, you Owe that fine. Keep going until you’ve read each ” Offense” and added Up your total fine. When you are done, post your results in a comment to this post

You don’t have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

Smoked pot — $10
Did acid — $5
Ever had sex at church — $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you — $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace — $25
Had  sex for money — $100
Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican — $20
Vandalized something — $20
Had sex on your parents’ bed — $10
Beat up someone — $20
Been jumped — $10
Crossed dressed  $10
Given money to stripper — $25
Been in love with a stripper — $20
Kissed some one who’s name you didn’t know — $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work — $15
Ever drive drunk — $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk — $50
Used toys while having sex — $30
Got drunk, passed out and don’ t remember the night before $20
Gone skinny dipping — $5
Had sex in a pool — $20
Kissed someone of the same sex — $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex — $20
Cheated on your significant other — $10
Masturbated — $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend — $20
Done oral — $5
Got oral $5
Got oral in a car while it was moving $25
Stole something — $10
Had sex with someone in jail — $25
Made a nasty home video — $15
Had a threesome — $50
Had sex in the wild — $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older — $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 — $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time — $50
Said you love someone but didn’ t mean it — $25
Went streaking — $5
Went streaking in broad daylight — $15
Had sex with two people of the opposite sex at the same time –$60.30
Been arrested — $5
Spent time in jail — $15
Peed in the pool — $0.50
Played spin the bottle — $5
Done something you regret — $20
Had sex with your best friend $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work — $25
Had anal sex — $80
Lied to your mate — $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good - $25

Tally it up and post your results in a commnet.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I’m A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Listen guys! If you’re married and checking out the Internet dating sites, now isn’t the time to give up on your wife. You don’t need a wandering eye. You can forget about divorce. No you can have her re-trained.

Remember how she used to treat you when you first started going out together? Hey! That was love! And man, did she love you. Now is your chance to re-capture the romance of yesteryear.

Click the play button below to learn about wife school.

It isn’t very often I needed an alibi for anything. There was once, when I was 22, that some friends and I from work wanted to go have a drink afterwards. We took turns calling each other’s wives and girlfriends telling them that their partner was going to have to work late.

Then there was a time a few years ago. I had gone to a nightclub to hear a band that a friend of mine played in. Sitting in the club was another friend, with a women I didn’t know. He said, “You didn’t see me.”

The good news, now you don’t have to get your friends to cover for you. There is business called the Alibi Network which will do your lying for you, and provide you with an alibi.

A story written about this business in the Philadelphia City Paper said:

On the telephone, mike demarco is as smooth and likable as you’d expect a professional liar to be. As the spokesman and vice president of marketing for Alibinetwork.com, he needs to know just how thick to lay on the brown stuff. Alibi Network is a Chicago-based Internet agency that will help you conjure and carry out an airtight alibi for any deed that your wicked mind may think of — so long as it’s legal. “We won’t do anything that will put us on the wrong side of the law,” DeMarco says, adding that it’s not illegal to make fake documents for fake businesses. Services can cost anywhere from $35 for a one-time “rescue call” to thousands of dollars for labor-intensive custom alibis.

If you find yourself needing an alibi, head on over to http://www.alibinetwork.com/index.jsp.

The above clip was Chet Baker in Tokyo ‘87, but I didn’t find the tune overly funny. How about you? Especially if you’re alone…

If it walks like a duck… talks like a duck, well, it must be…

But it doesn’t always have to be this way. If you haven’t signed up for a free dating account on this website, you could be spending more than one Valentine’s Day alone. Click here to join now.

I think part of looking good, feeling good, and wanting to date again depends partly on how well we look after ourselves. Regular checkups by physicians, exercise, and good food play a big part in continuing with a healthy life after a breakup. Keeping this in mind, I wanted to let you know that Health Canada has released a new version of the Canada Food Guide.

An article on the CBC website said it “includes more culturally diverse foods, information on trans fats, customized recommendations and exercise guidelines.”

“The new food guide contains more information to help Canadians make wise choices about the food they eat,” Health Minister Tony Clement said at a news conference Monday in Orleans, Ont., noting that this is the first time the healthy eating guide has been updated in nearly 15 years.

For more information you can visit the homepage for the website here, and download a printable PDF (6 pages) guide you can print off here.

Just because one relationship ends doesn’t mean your ex partner doesn’t want you to be happy and healthy. Okay… if he/she doesn’t… your next one will.

There are reports of some females who get a little erratic, when they realize their biological clock is winding down, and they realize they aren’t going to have children to satisfy this maternal instinct. Regardless of whether they can have a baby, they want to be a mother. This can cause them to re-evaluate some of their life choices and consider their options.

After a little soul-searching; remember I said a little — thoughts typically turn towards their partner. Sure, he was a lot of fun for the first ten years, but is he made of the right stuff to help foster and nurture a family? This often leads to the male counter-part being literally kicked to the curb. However, options from the remaining gene pool can be severely limited later in life. The “best of the rest” (and there is a reason why some males are still single) can often represent a pretty bleak opportunity for finding a suitable mate.

Continue Reading »

The Guys’ Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys’ side of the story. (I must admit, it’s pretty good.) We always hear” the rules” From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note… these are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months IS a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria ’s Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it wil be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

I ran across this quiz today that tells you how kinky you are. Give it a try here:

http://www.hotlanta.com/kinktest.asp

Hey! If you want to post a comment here and tell me your results from the test… I’ll share mine.

A friend sent me an email this weekend titled What Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40. Andy, as you likely know is the closing commentator for of television’s 60 Minutes news magazine.

Apparently this story has been circulating the Internet since 2003, but when I received this email, I just found it hard to believe that Mr Rooney would say this. It is reported, her said:

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”, here’s an update for you.

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

While it is kind of funny, I searched the Internet to find out if Mt Rooney really did make these comments. He didn’t! In fact it is an embellished version of a piece created by Frank Kaiser.You can read about it on Mr. Kaiser’s website here.

Maybe it is all a big joke. I don’t know. I haven’t dated anyone women over 40.